If you had a choice to make between two different paths in life, which would you choose: A life focused on love, kindness and compassion for yourself, or a life filled with fear and self sabotage?
It seems like an obvious choice. Everyone wants to be happy, loved, and experience joy. Everyone also has an inherent inclination to self sabotage. Some of us take it to the next level by ruining relationships, self medicating, and developing eating disorder. Why do we do this? And how can we change the pattern of self-sabotage once and for all?
Here are seven signs that you are your own worst enemy and what to do about it:
1. Your beliefs about yourself are creating your reality
You believe the negative thoughts you have. If you think you’re a crappy person, you’re also probably thinking other people do too. You’re projecting your negative perception out into the world.
Most humans wouldn’t wish pain and suffering on anyone else, so why do you push pain onto yourself? It’s kinda crazy. If you are self-deprecating and say bad things about yourself, you’re thinking that you wouldn’t be surprised if someone else said the same things about you.
Try this: for every mean thing you catch yourself saying or think about your character, counter it by saying one good thing about who you really are.
2. You rely on someone else to “save” you from your own problems
It ain’t gonna happen. People are too busy with their own lives. It’s nobody else’s responsibility to love or take care of us.
Thinking this way only sets you up for disappointment. Inevitably, someone you love will break your heart. That’s why the whole self-love concept is so important. If you don’t love yourself first, it makes it tougher for other people to love you as fully as they can.
3. You have rigid thinking
You tend to look at the world in black and white, or in terms of can or can’t and should or shouldn’t. It’s a defense mechanism developed as youngsters.
Carrying around fears will limit you at some point in life. How many times have you thought, “I am not going to ask for help.” “I don’t have what it takes to do this job.” “I will only date someone who will take care of me.”
These limiting beliefs also limit you in life.
4. You have low self-esteem and sense of self-worth
When you can only be happy if someone else is providing what you deem enough love, part of it is a self-esteem issue. Insecurity makes us jealous and powerless. Do you unintentionally push someone away by picking fights or criticizing them? Those sabotaging behaviors are a sign you don’t feel worthy.
Check out this article for tips on how to begin to feel you own worth.
5. You reject compliments
You tend to cringe on the inside if someone says something nice. This relates back to self-esteem. A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, found that people with low self-esteem have the most difficulty accepting compliments.
If you think you’re somehow flawed, or you believe that you aren’t good enough, you might have trouble understanding how others can say such kind things about you.
Try not to make it awkward. Show a little gratitude with a “thank you.” You’ll slowly start to train your brain to accept and believe these compliments.
6. You care too much about what other people think of you
We want people to like us. That’s natural. Emotional intelligence in the workplace and in your personal life involves self awareness and consideration of other people, but caring so much that it interferes with your life is destructive.
As the saying goes, maybe we would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.
7. You worry incessantly about the past and future
Just think about all the anxiety built up from stressing about stuff we don’t have any control over or that never come to pass. Many illnesses stem from worrying because stress takes a huge toll on the body, mind and spirit over time. You’re missing out on what’s actually occurring in your life in the present moment. Life is meant to be enjoyed and not taken so seriously every minute.
You deserve way better than sabotaging your life. Listen to some Beyonce and pump yourself back up again, if that’s what it takes.
More importantly, may you have peace in your heart.
(Last Updated: December 9, 2022)