The Christmas holidays are supposed to be a magical time. Filled with friends and family, love, laughter and sharing beautiful meals together. Except that for someone recovering from an eating disorder, Christmas can mean panic, fear and overwhelm. For those who’ve never experienced an eating disorder, it can be difficult to comprehend how fruit mince pies and candy canes and plum pudding could bring about such anxiety. And this lack of understanding can often make an ED sufferer or someone in recovery feel worse. Surviving the holidays with an eating disorder can be tough.
Particularly if difficult memories and plenty of triggers are present, the holidays can be a painful time. But, they don’t have to be. With a little planning and preparation, you can help the holidays go smoothly. And keep negative feelings, fears and disordered thoughts at bay.
Here are 7 Tips to Help You Survive the Holidays with an Dating Disorder
1. Try and stick to a normal eating routine.
At Christmas time, many people eat much larger meals or snack consistently throughout the day. However, there’s no reason you can’t stick to your regular eating schedule. If you’ve been given an eating plan from a therapist or treatment team, make sure to discuss with them how best to stick to this.
2. Plan ahead if you can, to help yourself avoid any out-of-the-blue panic moments.
If it’s possible, try and find out ahead of time what will be on the Christmas menu and when it’ll be served. If you find anything overwhelming and sense it might cause a conflict for you, have a quiet word to the host. Share your struggles and let them know how you’d like to get around them. If you’re seeing a therapist or counselor, talk to them about this. In some cases, your therapist may be happy to chat with Christmas party hosts over the phone. And let them know how they can be sensitive to what you’re going through without alerting everyone at the party.
3. Be realistic about where you are in your recovery journey.
Many people expect their ED to disappear over Christmas and allow them to enjoy food free of guilt and stress. Then they feel immensely disappointed when this doesn’t happen. Remember, you can’t magically speed up your journey. If you’re not yet at the tail end of recovery, that’s okay! It’s important not to apply any additional guilt to yourself at this time of year. Remind yourself that Christmas, although it is a special time, is also just one day. And it doesn’t make or break your recovery success.
4. Have a support plan in place.
If you feel you might struggle at any point during the day, establish a support person(s) ahead of time to help put you at ease. This could be a friend or family member you can privately whisk away for a chat or text. Or even give your therapist a quick phone call. (Although remember, it’s Christmas for them and their families too. So your therapist might not be available for a phone call. This has no reflection on their level of care for you). If the above aren’t options, remember there are support helplines open 24/7. You can call anonymously. If you feel like you might need to chat to one of them, I recommend saving the number in your phone before the day.
5. Have an exit plan.
With the long lost relatives and friends and food and pressure, Christmas can be overwhelming. To survive the holidays with an eating disorder, you may need to take some breaks. This can help you stay focused and calm. Find out where your Christmas lunch/dinner will be hosted. Work out some quiet places you can nip off to and take some deep breaths, just in case. If it’s at a public location you’re unfamiliar with, try and visit it before Christmas day. Familiarize yourself to help you feel safe. If you feel comfortable talking to the host of your Christmas party, ask them beforehand if they have a quiet place you can use to take some deep breaths if needed.
6. Allow yourself to say “no” if you feel it necessary.
Many of us have some abrasive, harsh relatives we might not get on well with. If we know a certain relative will make abusive or triggering comments/questions about our struggles, it makes us feel even worse. At an already stressful time. If this is the case and you. And you just know you’re not going to cope well with seeing a certain relative, remember this. You have the right to back out of a social obligation. It’s important to preserve your mental health. Although it may not be healthy (or possible) to avoid a certain family member forever, you have every right to choose to take care of your needs as a priority at this point in time.
7. Allow yourself to say “yes” to new experiences.
There’s a fine line between being mindful of your limitations and letting yourself be ruled by your limitations. And although you may feel like some family members or friends could negatively judge you, it’s important not to isolate yourself from everyone based on fear. Research suggests social withdrawal and anxiety related to social situations in ED sufferers often occurs from a deeply rooted fear of being negatively evaluated by peers (Zaitsoff, Fehon, & Grilo, 2009).
This is a common defense mechanism during the holidays. However, extensive isolation also brings a breeding ground for negative behavioural patterns. So it’s important to carefully consider whether you choose to avoid certain people or gatherings. Don’t let your ED stop you from enjoying the day. Or partaking in activities that you want to. There may be some scary experiences at Christmas parties. But they’re also filled with people who love and support you. And want to spend time with you, regardless of what you eat. You are loved.
And above all, to survive the holidays with an eating disorder try to remember that:
Your choices are allowed to be your own. Regardless of how much your Aunty engages in diet-talk at the table. And regardless of how much that nosy long-lost grandmother questions your meal plan. You don’t owe them a justification for honoring your mental and physical health.
You’re allowed to change the subject. If you find someone at your Christmas gathering is discussing something that makes you uncomfortable or questioning you in a way that you find threatening, you have every right to change the subject. Try to change the subject to something other than food and bodies. Take this as an opportunity to spread some positivity to those around you! Ask the person about their recent holiday. Compliment them on something. Or remind them of a funny story from a Christmas gathering in years past.
Food is not the enemy. Food is fuel. And also- it is also something that is able to be enjoyed and celebrated for pleasure.
There is no moral value to food, and whatever you choose to eat does not define you as a person.
You do not need to “make up for” your food intake tomorrow.
Focusing on the positive memories will help you. Is it wonderful catching up with old friends? Do you love the seasonal music? And do you help your family put up the Christmas tree? Keep those positive, happy traditions at the front of your mind.
It’s tempting to stay silent about whatever fears, worries and anxieties you may be facing. But staying quiet always makes it so much harder. Always. I promise you, you are not a burden. Choosing to reach out for help and support from those around you will make your life so much easier. And will help your loved ones better understand how they can help make the holidays an awesome and enjoyable time for you. Everyone benefits from supporting each other!
Facing the holidays with an eating disorder is rarely easy.
But making a conscious effort to be mindful to continuing your recovery path is always worth it.
Wishing you all a safe, happy and guilt-free festive season!