Every day, I stick to my routine. One in which I engage in compulsive exercise. Each night after work, I come home and do my usual routine. It makes things feel safe and right. However, I do recognize how this habitual routine is presenting a barrier to my ED recovery. And I’m not the only one.
Every time I go about my exercise routine, I’m in my room. Only, I’m not alone. My little miniature poodle, Kona, is there with me.
She’s always there.
Even though she is sleeping during this time, I know she’s keeping her eye on me. She seems worried. In the past week, her worry for me became beyond apparent. She gave me a message. One filled with love and care. She did this in a series of steps. Each day, doing a little more, until it made an impact on me.
A message from my dog about my exercise in ED Recovery
On Sunday, she laid at the end of my bed.
On Monday, she was on the side of my bed.
On Tuesday, she was near me.
On Wednesday, she was right next to me. Purposely laying her body in the path of where I do my exercises. I moved her over. I just had to exercise.
On Thursday, there she was again! Right next to me. Once again, I moved her. Only, she was persistent and did this a few times. I didn’t understand why she was doing this. I just needed to exercise. So, I continued to move her aside. Eventually, she stayed near the side of my bed.
On Friday, this little game continued. Only, when I was about to move her, I looked her in the eye. I finally realized why she was doing this. She was trying to stop me. She knew what I was doing to myself. And she was doing everything in her power to stop me. Tears welled in my eyes and I apologized, “I’m so sorry love.” Then, I continued to exercise.
On Saturday, she was at it again. Right next to me. Trying to stop me from exercising. Her message was loud and clear. Just as I was about to move her aside, our eyes locked. She was begging me to stop. Just as I was about to tell her sorry, I stopped myself. I listened to the message she was sending me.