I believed that I was the cause of it because I was weak. “Did I make all of this happen?” I thought.
Having an eating disorder brought so much shame and guilt upon me.
Eating disorders are terribly misunderstood. And I fell into the trap of believing what other people (who were uneducated about eating disorders) told me about myself and my eating disorder.
They told me that it was my fault. That I needed to just eat. That I needed to stop being dramatic. People told me, “Stop thinking everything you eat will make you fat!” They simply did not understand. And I too, did not understand.
However, after I began seeking professional help, I slowly began discovering that my eating disorder was not my fault. I was not to blame.
The experts told me that eating disorders were a real illness. They told me that I didn’t choose it and that it’s not as simple as just eating.
They helped me and coached me into truly understanding what my eating disorder was. With their help, I was able to overcome my overwhelming guilt and shame.
This process tore off the weight that was weighing so heavily down on my soul. For the first time, I felt like I was worthy and that I was not in the wrong. The experts made me feel understood and they listened to me without judgment.
Not to blame
I hope that one day you will truly understand that your eating disorder is not your fault. You are not to blame.
The world is hard enough, please stop blaming yourself. You deserve recovery. You deserve freedom and you deserve happiness.
People are uneducated on this subject. And many people think they know what you are going through. But the truth is – they don’t.
Even though you didn’t choose to struggle with disordered eating, you can choose recovery.
You can choose how your story continues.