Asking for help has made me feel embarrassed, threatened, and afraid.

But now, I am finally opening the door to gratefully receive that help. So, I will continue pursuing the will to reach out. I will actively try to get back to treatment and continue this process. Because it is 100% okay to need and to want help. No one is made to do this alone.

I will, everyday, see something, even if it’s small, as progress. Even if I take steps backwards, it doesn’t take away the fact I have previously taken steps forward. And in the future I can take steps forward as well. A step backwards doesn’t erase what I have already done.

Progress, not perfection.

I gradually open myself up to compliments from others about how proud they are. At the same time, I will open myself up to constructive criticism.

What do you want?

From today forward, I will make my own choices and not listen to what others tell me to do and/or want me to do.

And if I ever feel unable to do this I will reflect on what I really want and need. Because I have learned that wants are just as important as all necessities in life.

I want love. And happiness. And acceptance.

None of these are selfish desires. Each of these are rights that I am gradually learning to allow myself to receive. I need help and every day I take a step closer to realizing that I also want help.

Ask for it

I have decided I will continue to be honest with both myself and others. Because I have realized if I’m not, it only hurts me in the end.

And I have decided to recognize happy and healthy moments. I will celebrate times when my eating disorder isn’t prevalent and I feel whole. Those times when I can smile and mean it, concentrate for a notable amount of time and focus on the conversation when talking to a friend are all worthy of celebrating.

And if I struggle, I’ll realize that it’s okay. But even more so, I’ll recognize that it’s a sign I need to reach out.

I cannot and do not have to do this alone. I want help and this time, now more than ever, I feel like I may actually deserve it.

Yes, I am scared and often I feel helpless, but I am trying to be honest. I will reach out. And now, I have decided that I will recognize my progression.