We are literally dying to be thin. Our society has given people this image that to be beautiful and worthy we need to be skinny. They give off messages in the media that being skinny is the answer to a happy life.
But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
See, weight doesn’t have to define you. It can’t measure the person that you are. The love that you contain, the encouragement you give to others, and the talents you possess have the power to replace your identity.
Weight does not show who you are on the inside or show how truly beautiful your life is. Weight is simply a number. But this number has so much power over people.
You are more
For some reason, weight seems to determine who we are and if we are good enough. People starve themselves and push their bodies to unhealthy amounts of exercise just to maintain the label of “skinny”.
Our eating disorders want to hold us captive to the lies that we believe. They want to manipulate us into believing that to be skinny is to be beautiful. But eventually, the eating disorder can kill you.
You and me, we are more than our number on the scale. It doesn’t tell us who we are, where we’ve been, or what we will do in the future. And the truth is, a lot of us will never be satisfied with our appearance.
It’s like attempting to get rich. People chase after wealth. And many will become wealthy. But even then, they won’t be satisfied. Deep down, they’re dying to have just a little bit more.
Weight is the same way.
When the numbers drop to our ideal weight at first we are overjoyed and feel proud of our accomplishments. We may even experience a high. But all too soon, the high is gone and we begin to think we could lose more weight or restrict a little more.
Losing weight and food restriction becomes addicting and controlling. It becomes what we think about all the time. It affects our mood, our relationships, and our life as a whole. Eating disorders isolate us and tell us that we aren’t good enough. They tell us we are weak.
Eating disorders manipulate and break us apart until we are left broken and hurting. They deteriorate our bodies and break us apart from our community. They scream at us that we can’t ever be good enough.
Eating disorders desire to keep us to ourselves. They want to tell us that we are crazy and that no one will understand us. Eating disorders make us want to hide in our shame. They want to captivate us instead of empowering us.
That isn’t living – it’s dying
We should be able to enjoy our friends, feel loved and have the energy to be who we were created to be. We deserve to regain our life and to take control of who we are. And we have the power to break free.
In the thick of our eating disorders, we are poisoned with lies.
When we embrace who we are, no matter our size, we gain freedom. We can stop feeling self-hatred or guilt for eating or not exercising. It’s then we can take the focus off food and begin to focus our energy on becoming a better friend, student, mother, and wife.
I have a new found freedom because for the first time in my life I have been able to see past my weight and see the person I want to be. I want to be a friend who loves and supports. And I want to be an athlete that can try her best.
I want to be a mom one day that will be able to laugh and run with her children.
In order to do that I must feed myself. Feeding myself is an act of love. I began to learn to live and slowly, slowly, I began to take steps to loving myself. My first step was replenishing my body with food it so desperately needed.
Take the first step
After I was able to accurately fuel my body my eyes were opened to the things and people I love. So, I began setting time aside to do things I love.
It will feel overwhelming and unattainable at first, but slowly over time, you can find who you were meant to be. You can start by feeding your starving soul.
The first step in recovery is learning to love and fuel your body. Focus on one day and meal at a time. Don’t look too far ahead on your journey, just focus on today.
And then, slowly, you will begin to learn what it means to nourish your body and soul. As you take steps to finding yourself, the ED voice will slowly diminish.
It may seem impossible at first, but over time, I promise you the guilt, shame, and whispers will decrease and you will find the freedom you never felt was possible.