Think Eating Disorders Are Glamorous? : One Woman’s True Story

I feel like Hollywood and social media make thinness and dieting seem glamorous.They indirectly (sometimes directly) inspire and motivate people into an unhealthy lifestyle. The media tells us being skinny will make us like a rich, famous movie star.

While I am not rich or famous, I have had an eating disorder. And let me tell you – it isn’t glamourous.

When I think back to my eating disorder days, I think of a sad, lonely, scared, girl. I had no value in myself as a person. If you asked, I couldn’t tell you one redeeming quality I possessed. When friends couldn’t hang out, I took it as a personal attack on my character.

So instead of getting to the root of these issues, I just hung out with food or went to the gym. To me, this is anything but a desirable lifestyle.

Living the life of “glamour”

I loved being alone. Alone time was when I could really be “myself”. I would go as long as I could without food. Since I was avoiding food all day, I often smelled of the cigarettes and coffee I used to soothe my hunger.

Sometime within the day, I would work out. After that, I  would rewarded myself. I went to numerous places, stores and restaurants, and got whatever I wanted. With my food and a trash bag in tow, I would go home alone, put on my favorite show, and eat.

Except…I didn’t actually eat. I chewed and spit every single piece of food into the trash bag. I would do this with an insane amount of food.

I would throw all of the old food and its containers in the bag and hide them under my bed. If my roommates were home, the bag would have to stay there – sometimes for few days. Clearly this wasn’t a once and awhile behavior. So, the amount of garbage bags I accumulated was shocking and smelly – anything but glamourous.

The consequences of a “glamorous” life

8 years later, I don’t have the problem of hiding half-eaten food.

However, I am dealing with the 3 teeth I have had to have removed, the 3 root canals I have had, and the 10 fillings I have had in the past 4 years.

If this is the glamorous lifestyle we are trying to depict through Hollywood and social media, then count me out.

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1 Comment

  1. says: Brooke Heberling

    Wow- so powerful. I am so thankful for you bringing to light the not so talked about sides of eating disorders. Thank you!

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