Yesterday, I celebrated my birthday. Another year of life. I’ve had 20 birthdays before but yesterday, but this day was different for me. This birthday, I felt thankful. Thankful to be alive and in recovery.
This past year was one of the hardest years of my life, physically, spiritually and mentally. Honestly, I thought I was going to die last fall.
I was skin and bones and could hardly walk. My body was deteriorating – and so was my soul. For months, I had been fighting my eating disorder alone. And it was engulfing me more and more each day. Day after day I fought through the fog of severe depression and attempted to navigate my way one my own. I was in a dark a lonely place.
If you would have told me that I would be recovered and happy just 6 months later – I would never have believed you.
This is something I could only dream of last fall.
From death to life in recovery
It’s crazy how much my life has changed in the course of one short year. At the age of 20, doctors told me I would die. They told me I was headed towards cardiac arrest. My heart was so weak it could stop at any moment.
I even had to leave college to fully dedicate my time to working through my struggles and beginning my recovery journey. I had to face my fears and learn how to fight.
Getting to my 21st birthday was a milestone for me. Not because I became legal, but because I made it through.
I made it through my own personal hell. This year, I had to fight with everything I had in me. I cried, ran, shook and wept.
I thought I would never live to see another birthday. Yet – here I am.
And I not only get to see another birthday, I’m now thriving instead of merely surviving. Just yesterday, I went out with friends and ordered what I wanted. I was able to celebrate and laugh without obsessing over what I had just eaten.
I was able to enjoy my time with friends and was able to be there in the present instead of having my brain clouded with thoughts of food.
Yesterday was a victory for me, and you’ll have victories too. They may not be a birthday, but they may be in the form of a meal or a conversation. Fight for those victories, warriors. Every little step counts.
You can fight and you will get through this. You will see the other side soon.
Don’t give up. Keep fighting, Warrior because it will be worth it.
One day, just like me, you will be able to look back on the past and finally be free. Your cries will be replaced with laughter. Your obsessive thoughts will be switched to a carefree spirit. You will have joy, peace and ultimately freedom. Celebrate your milestones and victories and look back at how far you’ve come.
Because you are a fighter. And recovery is worth fighting for.