Your eating disorder becomes a safety net, something you can always go back to, something that makes you feel special, something that is shameful but at the same time something you don’t want to give up out of fear of “what people will think if they find out?”, “what will happen if I lose it?, or Who will I be?” These fears lead to a life of secrecy, isolation, and not letting others in to help you, and it becomes a negative cycle of fear, anxiety, anger, depression.
The only way to break this negative cycle of self-destructing behaviors and thoughts is to allow yourself to ask for help. Even if it is the last thing you want to do, even when you are terrified of what could happen, even if you are ashamed and don’t want people to know; you must find someone you can trust and let them know you are struggling. It is the first step to breaking free from your eating disorder.
Keeping your eating disorder a secret will keep you in a constant state of worry and distress which will affect not only yourself, but also the people around you.
Your eating disorder isn’t the real you, it’s not even a part of you. It is an illness that saps the energy out of you and keeps you from living. Just imagine if you were hanging from a rooftop everyday where nobody could see you and without having a support system to help and/or catch you. Eventually you’d get tired and lose your grip.
Revealing you have a problem is difficult and oftentimes it causes feelings of shame and fear to arise, but it’s important to remember that these feelings are temporary.
It is brave and courageous to admit and reveal you are struggling to someone you trust. Don’t let yourself hit rock bottom or grind away at trying to get better all by yourself, but allow yourself to reach out for (professional) help, because being vulnerable is one of the keys to setting you free.