I Love Chocolate But For Years My Eating Disorder Lied About It

chocolate is the focus with blurred figure behind

Growing up, I always chose vanilla. I mean, as a toddler, I cried when my Grandpa wanted me to try an M&M. My birthday parties had vanilla cake every year. I consistently chose vanilla ice cream at family gatherings. When my Grandma let us pick a candy at the grocery store, I went for Starburst. Never a chocolate bar.

At first, when I was young, it was a preference. However, along the way a distortion in my relationship with chocolate developed. In elementary school, I noticed the reactions I got when I said I didn’t like it. I fed off of this.

Each time I told my peers I didn’t like chocolate, I got a reaction. They’d look at me with pure puzzlement. Which was always accompanied with a comment.

“What do you mean you don’t like chocolate?”

“What are you talking about? Chocolate is the best thing ever!”
“You’re crazy!”
“You’re a liar! Everyone likes chocolate!”

By seeing and hearing these reactions, I felt there was something “cool” about not liking chocolate. So, I kept telling people I didn’t like it. And I abstained from eating it. Well, for the most part, that is. I’d have it on occasion. I mean, c’mon, who doesn’t enjoy a Kit Kat from time to time?

Was I being truly honest though?

However, chocolate still wasn’t my go-to. So I continued telling people I didn’t like it. While reactions, as I got older, became more understanding and sometimes relatable, I still received questionable looks. I was often questioned if I was lying. Was it really that hard to believe I didn’t like it?

Well, it turns out they were right.

I’m finally going to admit it. I love chocolate. Like love LOVE it. It took me years to come to this realization. But now, I proudly say, “I love chocolate.” And I think I have always loved it. Only, I allowed the reactions and comments of others to lead me into believing I didn’t.

There’s nothing “cool” about disliking certain foods.