I have a few limitations right now; a disease called eating disorder has taken over. I feel powerless and unsteady, as the control I’ve strived for has taken control of me.
“Be yourself” they say; “Live authentically.”
Words that sound sweet and palatable yet are seemingly impossible to apply, for how can you live as one who was lost years ago? I have a few limitations right now; I’m not sure who I am to be.
Years have passed by, showing little besides careful calculations of calories burned and carbohydrates ingested. An innocent diet has spun out of control, taking as its victim’s identity, joy, authenticity, and stories untold.
I have a few limitations right now, but hope is not lost, for this disease does not get the final word. Each day, each hour, each moment itself holds within it opportunities for redemption, for healing, for fighting once again this battle that has not yet been lost. The transformation will not be immediate, for it takes time to rediscover who I am- the values, passions, talents, and beliefs that form my true being, my identity. The task feels daunting, even overwhelming, but I will not resign myself to an existence limited by the chains of the past.
As my physical body heals and my soul seeks restoration, one by one the limitations begin to dissolve. Painstaking as it is, this process of rebuilding must be preceded by slowly but surely tearing down, tearing apart the lies and myths that have held power for so long.
I have a few limitations right now, but I am no longer a spectator blindly locked in the prison of the illness.
I am choosing each day to take a few more steps and loosen a few more chains, knowing that one day these limitations will be a memory of the past, overshadowed by the power of the present while holding to a hope for the future.”
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