Repeat after me: I will not relapse. I will not relapse. I will not relapse.
Now take three deep breaths.
Have the thoughts stopped? Probably not.
ED has a way of creeping back in when least expected. He can sense when you’re happy, feeling accomplished, or successful.
And he’s angry about it.
He doesn’t want you to be in control of your own life. That’s his job. He calls the shots- you don’t.
How dare you think you can just push him aside and live your life? You know better than that. You know that he’s been waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce.
And guess what? That opportunity has just arrived.
He knows you had a big day. Good news regarding your future came and he doesn’t like that he’s not a part of the plan.
How dare you plan a life not revolves around your eating disorder?
How. Dare. You.
“Don’t eat tomorrow,” he whispers.
“You’ve gained weight,” he shouts.
“One more hour at the gym won’t kill you,” he repeats.
“You regret eating, don’t you? Go get sick and you’ll feel better,” he demands.
Now your mind is racing. You can’t decide if ED is right in this situation. Self-doubt starts to creep in and you’re overwhelmed. You start to overthink and panic.
You lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering who will call the shots tomorrow.
Sleep won’t come easy tonight, you know that. ED will make sure of it.
But guess what? Just because ED called the shots tonight, it doesn’t mean he has to do the same tomorrow.
ED doesn’t like to lose, but you refuse to let him win.
This is YOUR life. This is your one chance to tune him out. Make the choice right now, no matter how difficult it may seem.
Encouraging column. Thank you
I have an ED. I consider myself an intelligent person, and work in a male dominated profession with many supportive wonderful Male friends.
I appreciate that ED mostly occurs in females and that trauma induced by males is often a factor (it was for me). But we’ve also experienced a lot of hostility toward men within this culture which has been confusing and disappointing. I’d like if we called ED an “it” instead of personifying it as Male or female. Language is so important w this disorder.