What a Package Taught Me About Recovery

A package arrived at my doorstep in a familiar box. But I didn’t recognize it right away. And so it sits there, untouched. I glance at it, but let it sit there. Soon, I feel its presence, a reminder that something has arrived and it is not going away. Before I am fully aware, the parcel has been on my mind, in my body, and everywhere, though I have continued to ignore it. I am sinking deeper into my anxiety, but continue to intentionally ignore the box sitting on my doorstep. And that makes me even more confused inside. Why do I recognize this box and why am I afraid of opening it? What happens if I simply welcome the parcel, open it up, and allow the unknown to enter my life for a moment?

I head outside and bring the parcel inside. Opening it in a comfortable place, I feel the weight of the package. I notice that it has become heavier since it has been sitting there, untouched. I carefully remove the layers. The layers have built up around this message and I must patiently work to open it. As I am opening it up, I feel like giving up. The box has become so heavy and layered, that I feel like it would be easier to walk away. Maybe someone else will pick up the parcel and find it easier to open. But I have a strong sense of determination inside myself. 

I know I am the only one who can do this work. As I remove the layers, I notice that I too feel lighter and clear. I feel even more determined to continue to do the work and find a way to read the message in the package. As I arrive closer to the final layers, the
fear returns. Though I may have been here before, this time I choose to look at this fear in the face and continue my work. I remove the final layer and hold the message in my hands. As I take in the words on the paper, I realize my gift was both the determination I had to find the deeper meaning and then the meaning I deciphered from the message.

Your task is not to seek love, but to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. -Rumi.

(Last Updated: May 13, 2022)

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