Image: @c_barbalis
B efore I began struggling with my eating disorder I found myself tangled in a web of deceit that equated perfection with competency. It was this toxic mindset that led me down a path with anorexia.I think it is not only the eating disorder mentality that tried to tell me that I didn’t belong or that I wasn’t worthy, but rather perfectionism. This eating disorder mentality adamantly grasped my thoughts and told me false precepts.
These lies told me that I was lacking, that I am going to fail. So, why bother even trying?
In life there are a few truths I have learned so far, and I want to share them with you. Essentially, these are truths to living. In these truths there it is peace of mind living free of your eating disorder, free of perfectionism, free of guilt, and free of shame. Find freedom in yourself. Freedom in being enough.
1. Put Yourself Out There (even when you feel like a fraud)
Yes! It is the old fake it until you make it attitude, but with a new spin. We are not designed to fake it until we make it, we are called to live our lives faking it until we become it. In time, you will become confident. Become free. Become recovered. We aren’t living lives to just make it happen, we are going to fake it until we become it.
2. Done is Better than Good
Perfectionists, I am looking at you. I too have had to give myself a deep “stare into your soul, shiver down your spine” cringe-worthy reality check. My voice teacher shared this golden phrase with me a few months ago, and it has been revolutionary in my life, “So often we focus on making sure things are perfect, and we miss out on the overarching picture and opportunities we could be experiencing.” No meal plan, food, or assignment will be perfect and this is ok- done is better than good!
3. Self-Care and Intention
What we invest our time in makes a difference. Neglecting ourselves sends a message to our minds.
It sounds cliché, but taking time each day to intentionally do something just for you will truly make a difference.
In the morning, I don’t check my phone right away- but I journal, then listen to a playlist as I take my shower and eat breakfast. That is my time, where no one can get to me; I get to be the sole focus.
These three truths have taught me how to forgive. On the days when I hear the world tell me I do not belong, I still have my doubts. However, I am also able to process them and do the things I could have never done in my disorder, such as make it through meals or calling my support system until I am back on track. Now, I am able to take a step back, and say to world,
Oh yeah? I don’t belong? Watch me-I belong.
