Eight months ago, I had a baby. As someone who suffered with an eating disorder since they were 17 (now 31), gaining that weight was literally soul crushing. I felt like I had no control as my body rapidly changed before my eyes. Now, 8 months postpartum I see the destruction that has been left. Yes I said destruction. Because despite being “recovered”, I still can’t shake the thoughts from my mind. Treatment never prepared me for this stage of my life. Or this stage of my recovery. They always just said, “You need to eat!” and “Your worth isn’t measured by a number on the scale.” Well what about when you do everything you are “supposed” to and your body is a shell of what it once was? When you feel your recovery is slipping.
Slipping out of Recovery
What do you do when you slowly find yourself slipping back into old thoughts? Those thoughts that feel like an old friend comforting you when the world around you feels crazy. The same thoughts that can lead you back to a dark and lonely place.
A key to being recovered means you have to put in the work to stay recovered. These three things have helped keep me on track when my brain wants to resort back to what is comfortable.
3 Practices to Stop Your Recovery from Slipping
1. Be Honest
Be honest with your friends, your family, your spouse, and yourself!
And be open and honest with those supportive people in your life. And if you feel like you don’t have one, find someone.
Making excuses will make you sick. Being honest will keep you healthy.
For example, I faced-timed with my mom the other day so I wouldn’t have to eat dinner alone. Weird? Sure, but it is better than not eating!
2. No Secrets
Keeping with the theme of honesty, knowing that eating disorders thrive in secrecy has helped me stay honest. So instead of keeping secrets, do the exact opposite.
I decided no secrets about any behaviors or feelings I had (within reason). Now I tell my husband exactly what I am thinking or feeling-even if unrelated to an eating disorder. Keeping the little secrets can lead to keeping bigger secrets.
I talk about struggles-mainly body image issues-with my friends and my husband. It isn’t the topic of every conversation. But the approach I have is less shameful and more matter-of-fact. Come to find out, most people feel the same way and don’t punish themselves for it. So why should I?
3. Re-Direct Self-Talk
Ask anyone with an eating disorder and they’ll tell you the amount of nasty things that go through their mind on any given day. Just because you are recovered doesn’t mean you are a positive ray of sunshine every day. Instead, when I get disgusted with myself, I ask 2 questions. “What is going on in my life that is making me feel this way? And does any of this (life’s craziness) make me a terrible person?”
The answer to the second question is always, NO. And it should be the same for everyone! Instead, identify the trigger, the chaos, the disorder that is your life and breath. Make a plan on how to lessen the burden-make lists. Ask for help, and tell yourself you are a perfectly imperfect person. That is how we are designed to be! I would never say the things I thought about myself to someone else. Why then, would you say those mean things to yourself?
To stay recovered, you have to work at it constantly every day. Otherwise, it may show up, seemingly out of nowhere. When in reality, you were probably ignoring the signs.
So be honest, don’t keep secrets, and be kind to yourself!
Image Source: Vin Ganapathy
Amazing and well said! Great reminders of what truly does work! Sickness grows in the dark!
Author: for you, I’d focus on being grateful that you were able to HAVE two children, when many of us with eating disorders or histories of them cannot because of what they’ve done to their bodies (me being one of those people.)
I don’t know if it makes sense, but this article helped me, I just don’t know how. I think the part that resonated the most with me was: “I would never say the things I thought about myself to someone, why then, would you say those mean things to yourself?” I have recently started to thought challenge these automatic thoughts. I’ve lived with anorexia since I was 13, I’m now 25. I’ve bounced in and out of treatment since 2007.
I think, from here on out, that I will say one kind thing to myself daily. Thank you for the article! 🙂
I am sorry for your inability to have children due to ED. My heart aches for you. My mom always told me sometimes someone just need to hear, “That really sucks.” and that is what I want to tell you. That sucks. I hope you are doing well in your recovery and in life in general. Much love to you.
I’m very sorry to hear that. I know 100% how lucky I am, and I never take my children for granted! That is my constant motivation for staying healthy 🙂 best wishes to you!